


but if you're spending the night (then what the hell is heaven even for?)

by haentai



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (attempted) Threesome, (not with wolfstar tho), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Bottom Sirius Black, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub Play, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Orgy, Top Remus Lupin, dude there are too many kinks im not gonna write them all, maybe just some that ppl might get miffed abt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haentai/pseuds/haentai
Summary: Remus and Sirius' sexual ventures across the years, except it's all about kinktober2020.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 26
Kudos: 257





	1. HANDJOB

**Author's Note:**

> i attempted plot bois. but porn is still the focus (it'sh kinktober after all)  
> also i'm posting this later bc i'm writing a bunch at a time (who seriously has the time who do this every time? i respect you if you do) then posting (and mayb bc i didn't expect to do this in the first place haha)  
> also also the chapters are very short (see the point above)  
> the list i'm following is [this one](https://jbbuckybarnes.tumblr.com/post/627189398153363456/kinktober-2020) (i don't follow/know them, but the list looked cool so).  
> title is from [works every time by mini mansions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98CTUyObHmc).

Their first kiss is a dare, during the Halloween Party of ‘74 in the Hufflepuff Common Room. Violet Pantaloons grins the moment Sirius Black chooses dare, and later positively cackles as she watches Sirius’ face drain of all colour (and Remus has never been the bearing-grudges type, but if Pantaloons happens to trip down the stairs, he won’t be particularly gutted about it). James, because he either knows too much or doesn’t know anything at all, starts chortling like a tosser.

And then Sirius looks in his direction (and Remus tries very hard to not read too much into Sirius’ expression because he looks terrified and Remus would rather not think about why that is), so Remus gives him a (hopefully) sympathetic smile, before leaning in.

The snog is short, dry, tight-lipped and, considering the way Sirius worms away from him after, deeply unsatisfying. And Remus doesn't expect for it to happen again.

Except it does.

James is training on the Quidditch Pitch, Peter’s in detention and for some reason, Sirius is at the other side of the room, eyeing Remus, who in turn, tries not to break down under the insistent scrutiny. But then, Sirius jumps off his bed and marches toward Remus’, and Remus feels sudden sweat beading on his upper lip.

“Can I help you, Pads?” Remus treads carefully, considering how Sirius has been avoiding him these last weeks (since their kiss, but Remus chooses to not think about that).

As an answer, Sirius straddles his legs, and the book falls from Remus’ grip.

How do they end up here, Remus does not understand; one moment Sirius’ tongue’s in Remus’ mouth, then the second Sirius’ hand’s in Remus’ pants, past his trousers and currently gripping Remus’ (embarrassingly) hard cock. And thank Merlin Remus was wise enough to begin mouthing at Sirius’ neck, otherwise, his moan would’ve been incredibly loud.

It doesn’t last long, and when Remus goes to reciprocate, Sirius shakes his head, face still tucked into Remus’ shoulder, and says in a strangely strained voice, “already came.”

They never talk about it (seems like a pattern with them) but Sirius does return to normal after that, nudging Remus with his elbow, throwing himself across him in a dramatic fit, grinning at him whenever Remus calls him a wanker. Remus isn’t sure if this is better than before or not.


	2. EATING OUT

Mornings must’ve been invented by the Dementors themselves. Because there’s no way, any sane, empathetic person would’ve just woken up (hah) and decided that 7 o’clock in the morning is a fit hour to start the day. Not that Remus ever wakes up at 7 o’clock in the morning, for Godric’s sake, he’s not (that) suicidal. He usually gets up ten minutes before class, throws whatever’s around on him and crawls to his designated classroom.

He doesn’t even have to go to the Hall for breakfast, considering the other Marauders either 1. bring him personally a few _pain au chocolat_ wrapped in napkin whenever they don’t share a class (which usually ends with them in detention for being late); or 2. bring the breakfast with them when they do share a class (which usually ends with them in detention for covering the whole desk with every pastry imaginable and/or too many scrambled eggs on toast). Yet another reason why Remus gets all warm inside at the thought of his considerate, however asinine mates.

However today, Remus is cursed with the misfortune of waking up at an unholy hour (twenty minutes before class!), so he decides that he might as well go have breakfast like the other mortals.

* * *

 _Mornings are brilliant_ , Remus concludes after seeing Sirius stand up to throw a sausage at Avery, then wink when McGonagall chastises him. Merlin, he looks good. _Bet he’d look even better bent over the table_.

Remus blinks, surprised at the sudden thought, then blinks again when he sees Sirius wave at him maniacally, beckoning him over.

How Remus spends his whole day with the image of Sirius bent over every surface available (desk, couch, edge of the bed, his _knees_ ) is beyond him. How he visualizes the tantalizing curves of Sirius’ arse in his hands is not something he can comprehend. The shame he feels when Sirius asks him if he’s sick, meanwhile Remus’ red cheeks are just a casualty of him daydreaming about burying his face in Sirius’ arse.

How can Remus look at Sirius’ concerned face when all he can think about is the way Sirius would surely writhe, wriggle and arch, trying to get Remus’ tongue deeper in him?

Remus is a sick bastard. Nevertheless, if that night he lays on his bed with his hand is his pants, seeing instead of the canopy Sirius straddling his head, looking down at Remus with those sinful eyes as he begs for Remus to let him ride his tongue, his _face_ , well. Nobody has to know.


	3. THIGH RIDING

“Sirius, someone’ll see us– I swear, this is the worst fucking idea you’ve ever had… and that’s saying something.”

“Moony, shut the fuck up. It’ll be fine. It’s not like it’s the first time we’re doing this.”

“ _Sirius_ , that was the _full moon_. We were _animals_ – well, _you_ were animals, I was a monster– _anyway_ , the point still stands. There’s no way we’re not gonna get lost in the _Forbidden Forest._ ”

And Remus is fuming, gesticulating wildly, all while not noticing that Sirius has already tricked him, arguing with him while leading the way to the middle of the forest. Only when Sirius grins at him does Remus realise all of this. Gaping, Remus stops to look around (which is proving to be a fruitless action, since the only things surrounding them are trees and more trees) and then his glare falls back on Sirius, debating whether strangling him right then and there would prove worth it in the long run.

“Please tell me you know how to get back,” Remus grits out, but Sirius disregards him, continuing his quest on finding a Unicorn. Remus sighs but follows after him. Might as well.

* * *

“Sirius, I fucking hate you so fucking much. I hope you get lice.” 

Anyone else who doesn’t know Sirius as much as Remus does would’ve considered the insult childish, but instead Sirius gasps. Anyone else would’ve said that Sirius was taking the piss, but Remus knows that the hurt is real. And he revels in it.

“How dare you, Moony! I thought we were mates!”

“We were. Before you dragged me in the Forbidden bloody Forest. Now you’re as insignificant to me as Snape’s dirty stockings.”

Sirius gasps again, louder and Remus smirk internally. Yes, he knows to hit where it hurts. 

He deserves it anyway. For dragging Remus to the Forbidden bloody Forest. And for making Remus wander around in the dark because they got lost and didn’t realise for how long they’ve been walking. They didn’t even find a bloody Unicorn.

* * *

“You still cold,” Remus asks into Sirius’ hair and hums when Sirius shakes his head. “Good,” he says then, tightening his hold around Sirius. Why has no one thought to mention that once deep enough the Forbidden Forest, magic stops working (or starts malfunctioning, considering the way his wand still sends sparks flying every once in a while)? Or that it gets really fucking cold during the night, even in March. 

Good thing Remus has always run considerably warmer than humans (probably the _only_ good thing, he thinks, watching the moon lighting their small haven from between the tree branches).

When Sirius shifts in his lap, Remus lets him adjust his knees on either side of Remus’ hips, arms looping around his torso, under his jumper, nose tucked safely behind Remus’ ear. Suppressing his shiver, Remus resumes skating his hand along Sirius’ back.

But then Sirius shivers and Remus figures he might be cold again, so he doubles his efforts; one hand splayed across the small of his back, the other gliding fiercely on every inch of skin it can reach, occasionally scraping his nails across the ridges of his spine. Sirius’ hands fall to Remus’ shoulders and Sirius tenses. “Moony,” he whispers in a trembling voice, and Remus’ heart breaks a little at the helpless sound.

“Shh, Pads, I got you.” 

And then Sirius moans, loud and clear and right into Remus’ ear, and Remus can’t keep telling himself all of Sirius’ reactions are due to the low temperature. His cock throbs in his trousers. His hands falter instantly.

“No, don’t stop– _Moony_ ,” Sirius moans again, this time arching his back towards Remus’ hands and suddenly Remus can feel Sirius’ _own_ hard cock. Right there, on his thigh. Which it begins to rub against.

When Sirius looks him in the eyes, he looks debauched beyond recognition and Remus can’t do anything but lunge forward and snog him. 

When Sirius comes, he comes in his pants, still rutting against Remus’ thigh like a desperate dog, face contorted in an almost pained expression, and the way Remus’ name falls out of his lips has Remus coming as well.

“Definitely not cold any more.”

“Sirius, shut the fuck up.”


	4. CHOKING/SPANKING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's quite sad i couldn't come up with something more exciting :(

When Remus finally arrives at his dorm, he’s sweaty, tired, annoyed and craving rare meat. Why has he gotten the night shift right before the full, is beyond him. People don’t realise that transforming into a wild, bloodthirsty beast of the night is not a six-hour job; the full moon affects him a couple of days before the moon, and the days in which he has to recover _after_ the full moon. 

He just wants to bury his face in his pillow and let sleep claim him. 

But of course, that’s not what happens, because fuck him, right?

Instead, there’s Sirius, in _Remus’_ bed, naked as the day he was born, on his stomach, one leg dancing in the air languidly, reading some Muggle comic.

Brilliant, now Remus is horny too. Though, Remus reasons, eyeing Sirius’ delectably round arse, maybe Sirius could help him with that.

And only the way Sirius quacks when Remus smacks his arse, _hard_ , is therapeutic enough. Remus can physically feel all the worries of today seeping out at him at the instant hand-shaped mark on Sirius’ cheek. So he holds Sirius down by the neck when he starts yapping and protesting, his other hand laying smack after smack after _smack_ on his arse, until the supple flesh glows red and irritated.

Sirius whimpers pitifully when he feels Remus rub and knead at his enflamed arse, but Remus only tightens his grip on his neck. “Down, boy,” Remus growls, barely recognising his own voice, then purrs when Sirius mewls and falls pliant against his hold.

“That’s a good boy,” Remus smirks and goes to spank Sirius again before he gets an idea. Wrapping his hand around Sirius’ long neck, Remus whispers into his ear, “count, Padfoot.”


	5. DADDY KINK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've learned that despite this being a kinktober fic, not much sex (like, actual fucking) is taking place... oh well

In Remus’ defence, he did not realise that it’s that kind of book. Which is stupid, in hindsight– that Remus knows– considering the curvy woman draped across a buff, shirtless man with a sword, but honestly, he expected a fantasy book (with some romance on the side). He didn’t expect _this_. Remus desperately does not think about the fact that he nicked the book from his mother’s library. 

Remus can never look at the word ‘member’ the same way ever again. 

Why has he finished the book then, he hears you ask? Well, go mind your own fucking business. 

Despite probably never going to have sex with a woman again without thinking about all the synonyms of the word ‘thrust’, Remus can confidently say that he’s a changed man (for the best or worst). Who would’ve thought that a book where a man’s abs are compared to a ‘temple’s diamond masonry, at which she could faithfully pray from rising until dusk’, would’ve been an eye-opening experience for little Remus. Who frankly, is shocked Clarissa still ends up with Sandor, despite him being an abusive twat, in Remus’ humble opinion. 

Nonetheless, Remus hasn’t been able to get the book out of his mind. Can’t seem to get that _word_ out of his mind. Especially if he envisions _Sirius_ saying the word– to _Remus_ , as he’s getting his brains fucked out. It’s truly not fair, because how is Remus _not_ supposed to think about being called _that_ the next time they shag. 

It’s fine (probably), Remus figures at the end. He’s always been known for his self-restraint, among other things. Remus will _not_ think about it from now on.

* * *

Remus thinks about it for a very long time after that. In fact, he’s thinking about it so much he almost spills (pun not intended) while bollocks deep inside Sirius’ arse. On his hands and knees, Sirius looks as picturesque as a photo of the Tuscan countryside. 

Sirius is trying to muffle his moans in the pillow, but Remus only grasps a handful on luscious black hair and tugs until Sirius’ sobs are as clear as a summer’s day. “You like that, don’t you,” Remus taunts, only because he knows how much Sirius enjoys it. “You like getting fucked on Da–”

And then Remus’ body must’ve sensed that Sirius will discover their little secret, and sent warning signals to Remus’ throat, because the next second he chokes on air and proceeds to cough for the next two minutes. 

“Merlin’s saggy tits, Moony,” Sirius says, smirking from where he’s awkwardly twisted to watch the (undoubtedly entertaining) mess that is Remus embarrassing himself. “If you plan on dying on me, at least do it after we finished shagging.”

* * *

Surprisingly, it’s not a slip of Remus’ tongue that gets him discovered. Oh, no, no, no. It’s Sirius finding the _bloody book._ The book where he’s _bookmarked_ every sex scene (which in fairness, are a good majority of them) in which the _word_ makes an appearance (and yes, Remus acknowledges he’s an absolute moronic knobhead).

Remus feels like crying when he sees Sirius with the book in his hands, _reading_. 

“I don’t get how you can read this stuff, Moons– this hetero sex looks overwhelmingly unappealing,” Sirius says mildly. “Like, who the fuck actually says ‘member’. Just call it ‘cock’. Merlin.” Then Sirius throws the book somewhere to his left and pins Remus with highly astute eyes.

“Er… it’s not what it looks like,” Remus tries and fails miserably. 

And then Sirius is backing him up against a bed (James’ bed, Remus’ brain supplies unhelpfully), climbing on top of him and pressing their hips together. “Y’know, Moony, if you wanted to shag all you had to do is say– you didn’t have to resign yourself to such unsatisfying fiction.”

“Er… right,” Remus says, tentatively looping his hands around Sirius’ hips, trying to not seem too chuffed that Sirius hasn’t figured out his secret.

“Now,” Sirius continues, getting out of his shirt. “I think you owe me a shag for having to read that aberration. Right, Daddy?” Remus’ hands freeze from where they were kneading at Sirius’ arse. Filled with dread, Remus looks up to see Sirius’ vixen grin. “C’mon, Daddy. Show me what you’ve learnt from your extracurricular readings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes ik ik,, i don't imagine in the '70s smutty chick lit was that prevalent (or existent, for that matter,, but i haven't really looked into it tbh) but like, how else am i gonna integrate daddy kink in our boys' lives?? i am grasping at straws!!


	6. BLINDFOLDED

“Padfoot, if you don’t untie me this second, you won’t be able to sit down for a week,” Remus growls. Honestly, when Sirius has come up with the idea of ‘christening’ their new flat, Remus has been all for it. He’s been even more excited once Sirius presented a blindfold and a pair of leather cuffs. Of course, that’s before Sirius throttled him to the ground, snapped the cuffs in place and proceeded to blindfold Remus. 

Now he’s just miffed about it. 

He can hear Sirius laugh from somewhere not far away from him and Remus scowls. Why has he ever fallen in love with such an insufferable brat, Remus will never know. “Oh, Moons– don’t wanna play any more once you don’t get to be the _alpha_?” 

Sirius is going to receive the spanking of his life. Once Remus figures how to fucking get out of these cuffs. It also doesn’t help that it’s Harvest Moon, and Remus feels like he’s too big for his own body. His muscles bulge out every time he flexes them, his magic sizzles and simmers just under his skin and his temper is not to be messed with (though it seems Sirius didn’t get the memo). Remus is pretty sure his teeth got sharper.

“Y’know, Moony? This is quite fun– having you at my mercy. Finally see the appeal,” Sirius jokes. Remus jumps, snapping his teeth at Sirius when he glides his hand across Remus’ exposed ribs, over the scarred tissue. Unfortunately, Sirius is quicker, and instead of letting Remus gnaw at his neck like he wants to, Sirius glides across the room and chuckles again. 

“We should do this again, don’t you think? I rather like you so helpless at my feet. Like an obedient _puppy_.”

Remus’ growl crackles threateningly in the air, and Remus knows from having witnessed it so much that Sirius’ flesh breaks out in goosebumps.

“Hush now, puppy–” Sirius’ voice is not as bold as before, “– or I won’t help you with your little problem there.” As he says that, Sirius toes at Remus’ semi-erection with his boot, and Remus trembles with fury. “Now be a good puppy and do as your _Master says_.”

Remus doesn’t even realise how he got to his feet after that, or how he took the cuffs off (or where he threw them). All he knows is Sirius’ half frightened, half regretful, entirely shocked expression when Remus rips the blindfold off, snarling. 

“What were you saying, _puppy_?” Remus asks, an undoubtedly sinister smile on his face from the way Sirius slowly backs away, stance as prey but eyes blazing with heat. “Did you forget who’s the _bitch_ here, pup?” Remus takes a step forward. Sirius moves a step away. “Who’s always begging for some _alpha_ cock in him, like a slag? A five-knut whore?”

“Maybe you’ll have to remind me,” Sirius says back, but the bite is gone, desperation and want and _need_ dripping out Sirius’ lips like treacle down Remus’ tongue.

“Maybe.” And then he’s sprinting away, with Remus swiftly after him, Sirius’ dramatic yelp bouncing off the walls of their new home.


	7. BLOWJOB

“For the love of everything good in this world, please tell me that’s not what I think it is,” Remus says, eyes closed in an effort to make reality disappear, that all-too-familiar headache prickling at his temple. 

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she, Moony?”

Remus pinches the bridge of his nose, a futile attempt to press down the instinct to strangle Sirius to death. “Sirius, we are not keeping _it_. Please, just– whenever you stole it from, just. Give it back.”

“Moony! I can’t believe you’d ever believe I’d steal Elvendork!” Elvendork. Merlin. “Prongs did!” Of course, Sirius would not lower himself to stealing a motorbike, but instead, make James do the dirty work for him. “Plus, I can’t give it back now. I already started on the charms.”

 _Charms?_ “What charms?” Please, oh, please, whoever or whatever might be listening up there in the Universe, have some mercy on poor Remus. At this rate, Remus’ lifespan won’t be shortened due to his furry infliction, but because of his other infliction, named: ‘Sirius Black, blood-traitor and werewolf-lover-slash-murderer’. 

“To make it fly, of course!”

Never trust the Universe, is one lesson Remus learned that fateful day.

* * *

“So, what did you think, Moony,” Sirius asks after he dismounts the bike. Taking off his helmet, he grins at Remus, all puppy-eyed and metaphorical tail swinging from side to side.

Remus, however, tries his very hard not to sick all over himself and the bike seat. 

Another lesson Remus learned two weeks after that first one is that Remus enjoys the Earth. And ground transportation. Like the Tube. Or walking.

“I’m never doing this again. You can perambulate all you want in the heavens like a manic hippogriff, but I’m not– won’t. This was torture.”

Even though he’s pouting, Sirius still helps Remus straighten when his knees buckle as if they’re of a newborn thestral. “Oh, c’mon– spoilsport. You gotta admit that the rush of adrenaline is sexy.” 

Remus scoffs, shrugs Sirius off and proceeds to walk to their flat, grumbling, “I get enough sexy adrenaline from turning into a homicidal monster every other day, thanks.”

“At least acknowledge how sexy _I_ look whenever I’m riding it,” Sirius calls after him.

“So sexy I could suck your dick, dearest.”

Remus hears the other snorting, and just as Remus enters their complex, Sirius yells one more time. “If you’re not keen on the bike, I could always ride something else, Moonbeam.” And it’s fair to assume Remus trips over himself, all the way to their flat on the third floor.

* * *

The thing is, Sirius _does_ look sexy while riding that Merlinforsaken motorbike. So much so, that Remus _could_ actually suck his dick if he asked nicely enough. 

And maybe Remus has been too obvious with his ogling (and usually, that wouldn’t be a problem) because Sirius always teases Remus when he catches him staring for too long. “If I didn’t any better, Moons, I’d say you like the bike.” Remus really doesn’t like the bike. “Or is it _me_ on the bike that you’re fond of?”

Sirius would say something along those lines and Remus would roll his eyes and call Sirius a brainless mutt and that’d be the end of it.

But today, Sirius’ arse looks especially nice _almost_ bent over the bike’s seat.

“Wipe your mouth, Moony,” Sirius chides lightly, still wiping that bloody bike clean with a cloth. “Wouldn’t want Mrs Ainsworth to see and call us degenerates. _Again._ ”

As if Remus gives a single fuck right now about what that old trout might or might not see. 

But then Sirius turns around and barks a laugh at Remus’ expression. “Merlin, Moons. What big teeth you have got!”

“All the better to eat you up with.” Then, without a second thought, Remus throws himself on his knees, right there in the middle of the street, for Mrs Ainsworth or anyone else who might care enough to see. 

“Wha– Remus, wait! Wait, wait, wait– just a sec! Merlin, the _charms_! Where’s that bloody– _oh_!”

Remus watches Sirius bend over slightly, one hand clutching at the bike’s handlebars, the other tugging at Remus’ hair tirelessly. “Fuck, Moony, that’s...” Sirius starts but doesn’t finish, because instead, he finishes down Remus’ throat.

“Well, that was disappointingly fast,” Remus says mildly, wiping at his mouth.

“Godric, do you ever shut up?” Too bad for Sirius, Remus can still see the furious flush on his cheeks, even if he turns away. 

“Didn’t even give Mrs Ainsworth a chance to catch us.”

“Oh, for– shut up already!”


	8. ACCIDENTAL STIMULATION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, day 8 and 9 got swapped since i had some ideas for them, but they wouldn't have worked if i kept the order as it was :(  
> second of all, this one was kind of a stretch, now that i think about it,,, i mean, there is _some_ stimulation,, but not much sorry bois :((  
> i'll make up for it on day 9 ;(

**Part 1.**

Remus is not sure he wants to hear this.

“Bold of you to assume it happened all of a sudden, Prongs,” Sirius says over his drink when James dares him to tell the story of coming into fancying Remus Lupin. “It was more like a series of moments when I wanted to shag Moony’s pants off.”

“Oooh, this has to be good,” Marlene whistles, taking a swig of her own pint. The rest of the table laughs, but Remus has eyes only for his butterbeer, praying for the ground to swallow him whole. It’s not really that improbable either, with magic being so unstable and all.

According to Sirius, Remus has given him his first boner, at the tender age of thirteen. When he bent over to pick up a fallen quill for a First Year. Merlin, help him.

Then there are all the Marauders’ infamous wrestling matches, where whenever Remus and Sirius and he quotes, ‘dog fought,’ Remus would always end up on top, pinning Sirius’ hands to the ground, making himself comfortable between Sirius’ legs, _for whatever reason_.

“Everyone knows a straight bloke would’ve just pushed my legs to the side!” Sirius shouts. James seems to find this particularly amusing.

“How did you even get turned on by that,” Lily asks, deeply entertained. The traitorous bint.

Marlene, though, just waves her hand around, saying, “he just likes Remus on top of him.”

And Sirius, because he is a little shite, just winks and throws his hair over his shoulder. “Besides that... his cock is huge.” The table bursts in laughter. Peter, bless his heart, seems to be in the middle of dying-slash-choking on his own butterbeer (and Remus can only wish that’d be him). Remus buries his face in his hands, shaking his head. 

“It’s true,” Sirius, the _absolute_ wanker, explains. “Mate, I’m telling you I could feel it through his trousers! He wasn’t even hard!”

“Padfoot, please stop...”

“Oh, c’mon, Moony,” James jumps in. “Loosen up a little!”

“Yeah! How else will we know how did the infamous womaniser, Sirius Black, fell for you?”

“Oi! I was _not_ a womaniser!”

“Fine, _heartbreaker_ Sirius Black then.”

“ _Thank you_! Now that I can accept.”

“C’mon, Sirius, we wanna know more!”

It’s really telling how Remus’ friends are not real friends, considering none of them cares about the fact that Remus is currently crying in his drink. No, instead all of them are positively enchanted as Sirius narrates that one time Remus had to hold Sirius up in his arms to not get caught by Filch in a bathroom stall.

“You should’ve seen the way Moony bloody obliterated that wrinkly codger! Filch kept insisting on coming in our stall– until Remus brought up how McGonagall’d react if she found out he was trying to intrude over a student in the bathroom. That shut him up quick.”

“But that doesn’t make sense,” Lily says, “why would he need to hold you up? Surely–” but Sirius shakes his head.

“Filch kept looking under the stall, to see if Remus was hiding someone there.”

“Merlin,” James exhales, enlightened. “Is that why you were so flustered that night?”

Sirius just grins. “It was the first time I got Moony’s hands on my arse.” Remus groans. “ _And_ it was the first time I realised how strong he was! He didn’t even break a sweat, even with Filch pestering us for almost fifteen minutes! Godric, I was so close to coming in my pants.”

Remus hates this man.


	9. VOYEURISM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yes, as i said, _technically_ today was supposed to be accidental stimulation and yesterday voyeurism BUT,, sometimes you just have to do it to em

**Part 2.**

Personally, Remus is beyond delighted that no one remembered to ask him about how he realised he fancied Sirius. Because, as much as he doesn’t enjoy thinking about it, his story probably would’ve topped Sirius’ traumatising little anecdotes. 

Back in Fifth Year, deeply in denial but at least out of the closet, poor Remus returned from a studying session in the Common Room at one in the morning, expecting everyone to be firmly in slumber. But curse his werewolf hearing, because from Sirius’ bed he heard pained groans. And obviously, since Remus was a good mate, he thought Sirius was having another nightmare and went to console him.

In hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise: that from between the curtains (Sirius must’ve forgotten to close them entirely), there was a sliver of sight through which Remus could see if Sirius was having a nightmare or not. Remus is to this day glad he didn’t just throw the curtains open like he firstly considered to console Sirius.

He was not having a nightmare.

Now you see why that ribbon between the curtains was a blessing? 

Because instead of having a nightmare, Sirius Black was getting buggered out of his mind by a boy (Remus can’t recall who it was, but what he does remember is thinking that the boy resembled Remus slightly– thin, tall, with light hair).

Understandably, Remus froze on the spot at the scene. 

He’s always known that Sirius was beautiful beyond words, lovely as a flower in bloom, graceful as a swan. And– if Remus was feeling particularly brave– fit as fuck. But no fancy adjective would’ve prepared him for the sight of Sirius Black on his bac. Legs spread like an open book. Moaning wantonly, as a random boy drove his cock into him. Sirius got one leg on the boy’s shoulder, the other held in the air by his own hand. Cock free and leaking over his stomach.

And Remus didn’t know if it was luck or not that Sirius threw his free arm over his eyes, because Remus truly didn’t know if he wanted– should’ve been caught creeping over his moaning mate. 

“Fuck, harder– Merlin,” Sirius sobbed, and the boy complied, and Remus’ eyes kept shifting between Sirius’ hand flying over his cock and the visibly clenching arsehole around the cock. 

But when Sirius came, Remus’ eyes were glued to Sirius’ face, contorted in ecstasy, hair damp with sweat, and Remus came then as well, at the sight. When has he got his hand around his prick, he didn’t remember.

Later that night, his own (fully functioning) _silencing charms_ in place, Remus thought about the bitter, viscous feeling in his chest, like a Polyjuice Potion bubbling over the fire. His cock was hard as he recalled the picture of Sirius getting fucked into the mattress by a nameless, faceless boy. But the Wolf was feral at the image of any boy other than _him_ fucking Sirius into the mattress. Because apparently his heart has claimed Sirius as its own and any trespasser getting between them was a threat.

Remus has known he was attracted to his good mate. Merlin, he’s known since he discovered what his prick was really for. He wanted Sirius.

But that night was the moment he realised he wanted Sirius to want him as well.

That night Remus also realised he was fucked. 


	10. KNIFE PLAY

Remus loves Sirius. He really does. More than Sirius will ever know; more than anything else Remus will ever be able to love. That’s why Remus can put up with so much of Sirius’ shite. His annoying quirks are endearing to Remus, his dramatic moods fall amusing on Remus’ side, his endless conceit and overall bigger-than-an-erumpent head just make Remus itch to take him down a peg or two, put him in his rightful place.

What Remus cannot deal with is his boyfriend’s newfound obsession: knife collecting. Of all types, colours and materials. Would’ve been sizes as well, but Remus had drawn the line when Sirius tried to sneak in a 15” Damascus Bowie under his jacket.

Now Remus and Sirius’ flat is an extensive museum of historical, pretty-funky-looking, highly illegal knives. Sirius has taken to carrying one with him anywhere he goes. A new one, every day. He’s never had to take the same twice.

* * *

“Sirius, that wasn’t made for cutting tomatoes. Kindly stop,” Remus says as he enters the kitchen (and by entering he means passing the island since their kitchen is joint with the living room… and bedroom). He doesn’t need to look to know that Sirius is most likely disrespecting a poor knife that will never be stretched to its full potential and… ah, yes, there he is. Sirius, cutting cherry tomatoes with a Horntail Tooth karambit. 

“C’mon, Moons. I have to make use of it somehow. Surely you’d rather not have me going around slaughtering nifflers with this puppy,” Sirius grins at him before proceeding on doing a complicated trick with the knife. Of course, while simultaneously spraying tomato juice on every surface available _but_ himself. Sometimes, Remus doesn’t remember why he loves this mess of a man.

“I’d rather have you not own anything that could get us in trouble faster than James can say Quidditch.”

“You love it.” He really doesn’t. “Plus, it gives me character depth.”

“Well, what depth do I get if I let you get away with this stuff?”

Sirius has that shit-eating smile that always appears when he’s about to say something particularly stupid. “It shows that you’re a caring boyfriend that supports his lover’s passions.”

Remus rolls his eyes so hard he almost gets a migraine. “I think the official term is ‘being a wet lettuce’.”

“You’ll learn to cherish it, Moonpie,” Sirius sniggers, kissing Remus’ cheek and getting back to his tomato-slaughtering.

* * *

“Stop doing that. It gives me anxiety,” Remus says into Sirius’ wet nape, watching apprehensively as Sirius drags the tip of a gold, dragon pocket knife across the creases of his palm. To his absolute dismay, however, Sirius just sweeps the pad of his index finger along the sharp blade, instantly drawing a string of blood. 

Though Sirius doesn’t seem that concerned about it (while Remus is rapidly losing his cool), he just puts his hand under the bubbly water and leans his head back on Remus’ shoulder. 

“Did you know some people are into it? Knives, I mean,” Sirius asks, sighing and dragging his nails on Remus’ thighs bracketing him. Remus doesn’t say anything, internally wondering whether Sirius is lightheaded from blood loss. He frantically goes over the pros and cons of confiscating all sharp objects that lie around the house.

“I meant sexually, you prat.”

Remus just now notices that Sirius is looking at him with an amused smirk, and he doesn’t have time to process what Sirius just said because he pulls Remus into a very leisurely, very filthy snog session– so naturally, Remus forgets about anything else but the feeling of Sirius’ tongue in his mouth.

Only when they come up for air does Remus’ brain catch up with him. 

“Wait, what?”

Sirius laughs, all red lips and wet hair. “Yeah, apparently. Knife play, they call it.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Shrugging, Sirius turns away, crossing his feet over the rim of the tub. “Thought it was interesting.”

“Well, it’s not,” Remus replies hotly.

“Okay, Moony.”

“I’m serious, Padfoot. We are not doing it– I’m not gonna fucking _mutilate_ you just because you heard someone do it.”

“It’s not _mutilation_ , Moony– for Merlin’s–”

“I don’t give a single shit what it is or not! I won’t mangle you for life so you can get off!”

“It’s not–”

“I don’t give a _shit_!”

“ _Okay_! I get it,” Sirius screams and stands abruptly, sending water splashing all over the bathroom floor and walls. “Bloody hell, no need to get your knickers in a twist.” And with that, Sirius snatches his knife and storms out the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

And the discussion ends there. Or it should’ve. 

If Remus didn’t go out of his way and research to Azkaban and back about _knife play_. Because Remus truly is a wet lettuce for his boyfriend at the end of the day. And because all the situations where Sirius accepted Remus’ kinks without a second thought are currently fleeting in his mind’s eye.

And if he still absolutely wants to sick all over the carpet when they’re finished, then Remus will simply tell Sirius that and Sirius will surely respect his decision. 

Now he just needs to not get queasy every time a book mentions _something something blood_.


	11. RESTRAINTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes yes yes ik i havent posted in a long time but in my defence,,,,,, i got nothing ngl

Sirius’ grip on his hand is painfully tight, but Remus can’t find it in himself to complain; after all, any and every opportunity to hold Sirius’ hand is a privilege. 

“This is nice,” Remus says, watching over the strip of colour along the horizon, beyond the scattered trees across the park they’re currently walking in. “We should do this more often– watching the sunrise together. Don’t you think so, Pads?”

But there’s only a huff in response. “Are you alright?” Huff. “You seem to have some trouble walking.”

Huff, then a groan.

“Well, who the fuck’s at fault for that?” Looking down at him, Remus sees Sirius glaring at his combat boots. “And you couldn’t have dressed me in more clothes. I swear to Merlin, I have a sadist for a boyfriend.” 

Remus just hums, gliding his eyes along Sirius’ naked calves, thighs, and visualises what lies under the (Remus’) coat Sirius wears. He sees in his mind’s eye all the beauty that is Sirius’ body, and all the ropes tightly coiled around him, biting into soft flesh. Sees the nipple clamps and plug snuggled in his arse.

“Consider yourself lucky I let you wear this much,” Remus idly replies and smiles when Sirius looks up at him, a pained pinch between his arched eyebrows. 

Just as Sirius opens his mouth to surely spit something scathing, Remus hears footsteps in the distance and whispers, “someone’s coming.” Sirius shoots him an alarmed look, whining softly under his breath and Remus grins. “You better keep walking, Pads– if you don’t wanna get caught.” 

“But–”

“Shh.”

Remus still lends Sirius his arm to support himself on as a man jogs toward their spot. But just as the Muggle passes, Remus subtly flicks the wand in his sleeve and Sirius positively yelps as the plug inside him starts vibrating. His knees buckle, and Sirius almost kneels over, the only thing keeping him up being Remus’ arm.

He sees through the corner of his eye the Muggle glancing back at them, but Remus only shushes his poor boyfriend, grinning to himself. He even laughs out loud when he notices Sirius’ hard-on poking from behind the coat.

“Godric, Pads. What a filthy dog you are. Did you get hard at the thought of that Muggle knowing what you were up to?”

Sirius just whimpers weakly.

* * *

“Is this okay?” Remus asks, then hums when Sirius nods weakly, from his spot on the bench. There’s more light outside now, and he can clearly see Sirius trembling in his coat– red in the face and slightly damp from sweat.

Remus is left standing, hand combing through Sirius’ beautifully, thick hair and smiles, amused, when Sirius leans into his touch, rumbling happily. 

It’s only when Sirius starts sucking on his thumb Remus decides his puppy is having too much fun.

“ _Sirius_ ,” Remus singsongs softly, and Sirius’ eyes shine up at him. The bastard knows what he’s doing– letting his spit dribble out of his mouth and along the length of Remus’ thumb, just before he leans forward, nosing at the obvious tent in Remus’ trousers, not unlike a dog begs for food at his empty bowl.

“Stupid puppy,” Remus chides softly, “we’re in public. Do you _want_ someone to catch us?” And if Sirius’ hot licking over his clothed cock isn’t enough for an answer, then Remus doesn’t know what could be. He pops open belt buckle, laughing when Sirius visibly perks up.

* * *

“Pluh-please…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, puppy. You need to be more clear.”

“Sir, _please–_ ” and Sirius gasps when Remus nudges the head of his cock against his hole. His hands tighten deliciously in Remus’ hair, even if the grip is awkward from the binding Sirius acquired around his wrists. “I’m dying, please.”

“You’re not dying.”

“I’m _dying_.” 

“Dramatic lil’ bitch, aren’t you,” Remus asks, just as he adjusts Sirius’ legs over his arms, pushing him further into the bathroom stall door. Then he pushes in and feels the way Sirius clenches around his girth, feels Sirius’ loud moan on his lips as he mouths at Sirius’ bared throat. And he swears, Remus feels like he’s coming home.


	12. FINGERING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i must say, this was not meant to be as intimate as it turned out but whatever (if thats what happens when a Gay listens to hozier when writing porn?)  
> ik some ppl might not find this so emotional, but for someone who likes it filthy & rough (read: me) this is basically fluff :(

“Fuckfuck _fuck_ come in me, Moons, please, come in my arse, c’mon– breed me. Come in me, yes, yes, _yes,_ Moony– _oh fuck_!”

And Remus comes in Sirius, fucking into him fast and hard just as white, hot, blinding pleasure roars through him like thunder during storm. “Holy fuck,” he says after a while, panting against Sirius’ shoulder before begrudgingly raising his head and looking at the desperate man under him. Desperate because he hasn’t come yet.

Remus can feel Sirius’ tensed form around his cock, and he can see his trembling arms, occasionally tugging at the cuffs around his wrists. His mouth is wide open, and his eyes are wild, and Remus hasn’t seen anything lovelier.

Ignoring Sirius’ protests, Remus gently pulls out and raises Sirius’ legs, watching the cum seep out of him slowly. 

Remus knows Sirius needs this. Needs more than just a mere hard shag and then be done with it. He needs to be used and abused until his mind gets blissfully empty, especially after the day he’s had. 

So he understandably sticks two fingers inside Sirius’ fucked hole, not knowing if he should watch Sirius’ mesmerising face or the way his hole clenches around his digits. Both, maybe.

“Feel good, love,” Remus asks, then grins when the half-hearted gruff he gets in response is cut by a shriek, just as he stabs harshly at Sirius’ prostate. Relentless, Remus revels in Sirius endless whining, his hips dancing and legs opening like a flower to the Sun, and it’s all for him. The way Sirius’ soul shakes for Remus is intoxicating, even when he splays a hand over Sirius’ stomach to root him in the mattress, legs trembling under Remus’ lips.

“Moony, please, I need–”

“Yes?”

Then Sirius clutches at Remus’ hand on his belly, bringing it to his mouth and kissing at the creases of Remus’ palm. Licking between his fingers and pinning Remus down with his heavy eyes right as he nips at the calluses on his fingertips, all from holding wands too tightly.

Remus’ fingers slow inside Sirius, almost unconsciously, just so he can stare at those lips as they close around three digits. Remus can only imagine how eager Sirius is– to be filled on both ends.

“What do you need, Padfoot?” Remus is almost surprised at how affected his voice comes out. His fingers pick up the pace again.

“More, please.”

* * *

“More, Sirius?”

Sirius shakes his head weakly, tears still wetting the pillow Remus shoved his face in a while back, voice even weaker as he manages, “no muh-more, please… I– I can’t–”

“Oh, c’mon, sweetheart. You can. One more.”

“No…”

“ _Yes_.”

Remus is aware that Sirius isn’t hard any more– _can’t_ get hard, after Remus more or less tortured him to the point of exhaustion. Which is why Remus didn’t punish him when his legs gave out at one point, and he collapsed in the pool of his own come, right there, in the middle of the bed. After all, it was no trouble, he still milked Sirius’ prostate dry until he begged Remus to stop. Which ultimately led them to here. 

Stretching himself over Sirius’ spent body, Remus nuzzles at Sirius’ jaw until he gets the gist and turns his face towards Remus. “Hey, love,” Remus whispers, smiling and licking over Sirius’ tongue when he opens his mouth, obedient like a nicely trained puppy.

Coming back for air after a while, Remus kisses over Sirius’ damp cheek, long wet lashes, puffy eyelids. “C’mon, baby. One more– just for me. Be a good pup for me?”

At that– just like Remus knew he would– Sirius melts under him, all loose limbs and malleable matter in Remus’ hands, like he trusts Remus to mould him into whatever he desires. Because he does, Remus knows. Remus knows the extent to which Sirius’ trust in him runs, and oh, how he cherishes it. He knows he holds Sirius’ heart in his hands, because Sirius _allows_ him to, and Merlin strike him if Remus isn’t going to take care of his puppy.

He knows Sirius can’t come any more, but it’s okay because they both recognise that this is not about relief. Thus, when Remus sinks in him, Sirius whimpers and bares his neck, still staring devotedly into Remus’ eyes.

* * *

“There you go, love.”

In one of Remus’ soft jumpers and some cotton pants, Sirius snuggles in the freshly cleaned sheets and watches Remus under his lashes, while the latter hastily dries himself from the remains of their bath, pulling on some pants of his own and sliding under the duvet, right next to his puppy. 

Pulling Sirius half on top of himself, Remus breathes into the familiar scent of his braided hair, and slips a hand under the jumper, rubbing at Sirius’ sore muscles. Sirius rumbles, pleased, and they stay like that for a long time.

Just as Remus’ lids slip close, Remus kisses the crown of Sirius’ head. “You know we have to talk, Pads.”

Humming, Sirius buries his face in Remus’ neck, legs between Remus’, entire body covered by the warm duvet. “Tomorrow.”

And that satisfies Remus. Because he knows tomorrow, Sirius will come to him, and that he’ll be there for him.

And he is, hugging Sirius tight to his chest while Sirius shakes and tells about his brother and the sight of him fighting, among the Death Eaters.


	13. IN PUBLIC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive always had such a kink for innocent, non-assuming looking, but actually strong, badass remus,,, finally my fantasy is coming to life  
> also light trigger warning for literally everything out there (homophobia, sexism, racism & fat-shaming) (it’s only in one instance, so dont worry too much)

“Remus, please don’t do this,” Lily pleads, and Peter swiftly agrees.

“Yeah, mate– it’s not worth it.”

“Yeh, kid, better listen to yer mates and step back while you can,” the bald tosser before Remus teases in that annoying Geordie accent.

Remus’ eyes narrow. “I think I’m good, cheers,” he spits, placing his elbow in position on the table, and flexing his hand in the air. Tosser just sneers and does the same. His biceps is the size of Remus’ head, his hand more a chunk of meat off a pig’s leg than a hand. He towers over the meagre, circular table of the bar, and even if Remus is still the taller one, his physique doesn’t bear comparing to Tosser’s. 

Tosser is going to lose spectacularly. 

* * *

When they arrived at the bar, the quote-unquote ‘Arm Wrestling Championship’ was in full bloom. James has heard of it and wanted all of them to go. Sirius, having been explained to what arm wrestling is, has been instantly intrigued. Lily has agreed only for the opportunity to ogle muscled men (James has not been amused). Peter tagged along probably more out of envy than curiosity. Remus didn’t have anything else better to do (that’s bollocks, actually– he had, in fact, _lots_ of things better to do, but Sirius can be a pestering arse when he wants).

* * *

It went fine, at first. 

Meaty men and pulsing veins and overflowing testosterone everywhere. It was fine. 

Until Tosser called Sirius a ‘wooftah’ and proceeded to hit on Lily. Safe to say, they were all boiling to _hex_ the wanker like there was no tomorrow. Then Tosser told James to go back to the country where he came from and compared Peter to an over-stuffed pig. They’ve all wanted to punch Tosser’s teeth in.

 _Until_ Remus noticed that he wore the #1 Arm Wrestler Medal like a badge of honour. So he put a hand on James’ arm to prevent him from lunging at Tosser. 

“I wanna compete,” Remus spoke for the first time that night. The others have been speechless, but Tosser just roared in laughter, attracting everyone’s attention. 

* * *

After Remus betted all of James’ money on _one_ round with Tosser (the organiser snorted and James greened slightly), he seated himself on Tosser’s table. Rolled his jumper sleeves (for once not self-conscious about his scars), squared his shoulders and locked his feet into place, beaten converse squeaking over the stained wood flooring.

* * *

“ _Holy fuck._ ” Peter’s whisper can be heard over the whole club. A fallen needle would be loud in the deafening, slightly frightened, fully stunned silence. 

Then havoc. 

* * *

“ _Holy fuck_ ,” Peter yells over their laughter, “I can’t believe you won!”

Remus blushes lightly just as they pass a street-light, still high on the adrenaline of dodging Tosser’s punches and snatching the (intimidatingly amount of) money out of the dumbfounded organiser’s hands. Which also reminds him. “Oh, Prongs– here,” he says and offers the stack of cash to James, who bats him off. 

“Nah, mate. That’s all yours.”

“But–”

“Mate, you fucking _obliterated_ that bloke. You deserve every single knut.”

“But–”

“Remus,” this time, Lily jumps in. “I hate to say this, but I agree with James on this one.”

“Hey!”

“It was bloody amazing,” Peter exclaims, “what you did in there!”

“You _knew_ you were going to win, didn’t you?” Lily asks, a glint in her eyes.

Remus’ face heats, and he turns to his only salvation (which, in retrospect, is a stupid idea in itself), Sirius. Who’s been peculiarly silent this whole time. 

But then Remus stops, recognising the look on his face. So he begins, “Sirius?” but Sirius suddenly snaps.

“Sorry, bitches. We won’t be able to make it to yours, Prongs.” And with that, Sirius snatches Remus’ hand, the one not holding the money.

“What,” James shrills, “why!”

“Forgot to… feed the dog, apologies. Ta!” 

And with that, Sirius drags Remus in the other direction, Peter’s question of ‘when did they get a dog’ fading in Remus’ ears. 

“Sirius, we’re walking the wrong way–”

Remus doesn’t get to finish his sentence, though, because Sirius slams him into the nearest vertical surface (which happens to be the outside of a pet store), and proceeds to snog his lights out. “We’re in the perfect place,” Sirius mutters against his lips, pressing a swift kiss there, before promptly falling to his knees. In the middle of the fucking street. Sweet Merlin. 

“Sirius, I don’t know what happened, but we can’t–”

“You fucking happened, Moony,” Sirius snaps, almost angry, before nuzzling the soft weight of Remus’ cock in his trousers. Then he moans, “you and your annoying, werewolfy strength,” breathes in. 

Remus’ brain seems suspiciously blank in that particular moment. “What?”

Just as Remus smooths his hand over Sirius’ soft hair, Sirius licks over his crotch. “You were so fucking hot there. I almost came just watching you humiliate that ijit.” Hastily opening Remus’ trousers and pulling his pants down, just enough to free his cock, Sirius moans again. “Fuck. I’m so hard just thinking about it.”

“Sirius...”

“Fuck my mouth, Moony,” Sirius states, solemn and all, looking straight into Remus’ eyes. 

Remus laughs at the image. “There’s something deeply wrong with you, Pads.”

Sirius’ silver eyes gleam, but his face remains carefully grave. “The only wrong with me right now, Moony, is that I haven’t got your cock in my mouth.”

They really shouldn’t be doing this. Not now, not here. Too risky. They haven’t even got any spells on. And then a voice, that dangerously resembles Sirius’, whispers in his mind’s ear. _Live a little, Moony_. 

Remus swallows. His grip tightens on Sirius’ hair and tugs, _hard_. But he knows Sirius won’t complain– and he doesn’t. Instead, he moans loudly in the hush of the night, and lets Remus fill him to the brim, and then more.


	14. 69

“ _Moony._ ”

“Mm...”

“ _Moony, wake up_.”

“Sirius, stop whispering in my ear.’ M sleepin’.”

“ _But Moony_ –”

“An’ stop watching me like a creep. ’S creepy.”

There’s a huff in Remus’ ear, tickling him, but instead, he just burrows his face deeper in the pillow. Praying to every entity listening that Sirius will bugger off and let him sleep. Unfortunately, there has never been an entity listening (and if there is, they most definitely hate Remus anyway).

“Moony, no! You’ve to wake up! This is _important_!”

What could be more important than sleep?

“Did Lily have a miscarriage?”

“Wha– What, no! What the _fuck_ , Moony?”

“Did Peter almost get mauled to death by pigeons again?”

“ _No_ , but I’ve to admit, that _was_ a good day–”

“Then fuck off.”

“Nooooo, Moony! I can’t believe you forgot! It’s our anniversary today!”

That makes Remus stop swatting at Sirius, who has this entire time tried to pry the blanket off of Remus. Opening one eye, he peers at the man on top of him. “Our anniversary is in March,” Remus says.

Sirius rolls his eyes as if Remus is the stupid one here. 

“That’s the annual one, prat. This one’s more important.”

Remus raises his eyebrow but doesn’t dignify the comment with a reply.

“ _Today_ is our sixty-nine-month anniversary!”

For a full minute, there’s only silence in their bedroom, with Sirius grinning down at him from where he’s straddling the blanket-lump that is Remus, and Remus staring blankly at Sirius. Then Remus turns around, effectively throwing Sirius off, snuggles into the pillow and goes back to sleep.

* * *

“Finally, you’re awake! Come ‘ere, I’ve something to show you.”

“I’m not talking to you after the shit you pulled this morning.”

“Oh, Moons, stop being so dramatic.” Way to call the kettle black, Black. “C’mon, you’ll like this.”

So Remus makes his way over to where Sirius is lounging on the sofa, in only some flimsy pants, despite being November. “What.”

Then Sirius is fluttering something small in Remus’ face. Snatching it out of his hand, Remus notes that the something is a piece of paper, then further notices that the paper is actually a _voucher_. For a _sex shop_.

“Why am I seeing this,” Remus asks. “Why do you have this? _How_ did you get this, more importantly?”

Sirius only grins, kneeling on the sofa and taking hold of Remus’ hips. “Moony,” Sirius declares, “We’re going shopping.”

* * *

The thing is, once or twice, Remus has wondered where does Sirius procure all their toys, but he’s never been interested enough to actually ask. Some things are better, not being known.

But now he doesn’t even have to ask, because it’s clear from the casual greetings (they even call themselves by their names!) between Sirius and the girl behind the counter, that Sirius is a regular at this discreet sex shop. _Merlin_.

“Couldn’t we just sixty-nine at home and be done with this stupid anniversary you made up,” Remus hisses under his breath, “ _Sirius_.”

Now that he thinks about it, they never tried that position before.

Sirius just waves his off, and confidently marches to the vibrators’ section. Exhaling through his mouth and trying to refrain himself from Disapparating away, Remus glances across the store and accidentally catches the clerk’s eye. She smiles, and Remus is sure ‘HAS NEVER BEEN TO A SEX SHOP BEFORE’ is written across his forehead, because the girl seems amused. Her eyes are knowing, and suddenly Remus worries whether Sirius has ever mentioned him before, their _relationship_.

Remus 100% blames Sirius for the flushing of his cheeks, and finally stalks after his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i admit this chapter was _very_ loosely based on the prompt, but tbh ive been having trouble w it for so long, we all should be happy i ever wrote sth for it  
> (and i do plan on finishing this, it might just take me all the way to october 2021 to do it lol)


End file.
